You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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