HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize