i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
