apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
