I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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