It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My first STD was from a foam party
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
