Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
