He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
