I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can text with my tongue
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I party with great urgency now.
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