Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
