I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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