Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
