apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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