i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
