I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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