We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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