i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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