woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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