mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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