soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
