Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize