You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
