dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
