well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
