wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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