If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
