I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
