you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
