Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
