grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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