i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize