Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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