he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
