It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
