all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
