You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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