hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
