Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
