First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
