New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
