so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
