Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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