He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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