i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are two peas in an std pod
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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