I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
