she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
