I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are we still banned from the library?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
