Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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