420 ftw
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
