i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
