we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His nipple licking is glorious
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