Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize