so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize