how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
