Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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