Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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