Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
