Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
