im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
