Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
