sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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