She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
