i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
