just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
