I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
