Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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