I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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