no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
