I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
