As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
