I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
