Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
