You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
