Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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